Leak Alert Dog

Woke up this morning to Peggy whining and found I was lying in a puddle. Thanks Peg for saving the mattress! The last two times I've had leaks I've found a split in the bag. They are only plastic lined paper and I guess maybe I scratch in my sleep? Can I rely on Peggy or should I invest in a waterproof mattress cover and endure rustling every time we move? Clare Balding tweeted the other day about Radio 4 announcers (her girlfriend Alice!) talking about 'Cross Incontinence' ( I think she means a programme about Ghana followed by one covering Mounties). I get annoyed about leaks but hope 3 times doesn't count as officially incontinent. Keep up the good work Peggy.

Bag around the House

Avoiding the Royal Wedding but remembering that most famous stoma Bagger - Gawd Bless the Queen Mum. Her daughter preserves her memory by always having a bag with her; know anyone else who carries their handbag around the house?

Job a Day

I can only manage one task a day. Yesterday I had two meetings and after the second I was a Zombie and my bag told me off. Oh Dear nothing to tax me me today (not even walking the dog) till Pride Live recording at Future Radio later.

NCFC - Bad for One's Health or a Welcome Distraction from the Real World?

Gosh - still in an automatic promotion place courtesy of a 96th minute rebound off Simeon Jackson's knee! I probably don't have cancer but I might develop a heart condition if they don't wrap the next 2 games up earlier on in the match.

Most NCFC seasons have been entertaining but the years when I, or significant others, have had some sort of trauma have held a compelling parallel turmoil; the year I came to Norwich we played in Europe and beat Bayern and lost to Inter. The year I had Cervical Cancer we were relegated, briefly had Martin O'Neil as manager and then campaigned to get Robert Chase out as chair (welcoming Delia & Michael to the board instead). The month we got to the playoff final was when my Mum died. I don't think there's any causal relation but I'm pretty sure that following Norwich City is a great distraction from the stresses of more important stuff.

Even More Music for Ostomists/Music to Change Bags By

Another playlist for you at http://www.youtube.com/my_playlists?p=6B99192D8B3B7E04

I realise I've wasted time on subtlety; turns out there are a whole bunch of songs simply called 'Shitbag' so I've included one by the fabulously named Plies. Great that a Rapper is comfortable enough with his sexuality to take his rap name from some ballet moves. Give Peace a Chance (cover by Louis Armstrong) is included because it includes the lyric 'Everybody's talking bout Baggism' and also because the title can refer to the difficulties an ostomist may have dealing with small green vegetables.

James Brown - Papa's Got a Brand New Bag
Louis Armstrong - Give Peace a Chance (lyric; 'Everybody's talking bout Bagism...')
Peaches - Bag It
Paul Simon - You Colostomy Al
Plies - S**t Bag
Betty Poo - Doin the Do
OstoMisTeeq - Scandalous
Portishead - Ileum

Billy Rubin?

A bit of a rough time with bags leaking and bursting and a thumping headache which may or may not be down to Bilirubin (didn't he play for the Boston Redsox?) on top of which Wendy beat me at Scrabble going out with a 7 on a triple! Good news that having Alex hasn't sapped her brain and hope the newborn was watching and learning.

Ostomy Art

Steph has made me a beautiful quilted bag cover - thanks again to Sarah for the template (devon_bag_lady@hotmail.co.uk). I need funding for two Art projects now - stunning stoma bag covers is one and the other is photos of Bagger Icons to inspire youngsters preparing for stoma operations.

Here is the link for this week's Pride Live radio show:
http://futureradio.co.uk/station/archives/6643

Stoma Bumsters

Bumsters. Oh how I used to laugh at Alexander McQueen's builders' bottom jeans. Now, as an alternative to dungarees (the straps disappear down the loo too often), they are perfect Bagger wear, allowing the stoma bag plenty of room.

I've always found boy Bumster wearers' anatomy puzzling - my bag prevents gravity from revealing all, but boys? Does the waistband really sit on your parts? If you can hold up the lowest hanging jeans is that a reflection on your manhood?

Myth of Fingerprints

Two thirds of the way through my chemo regime and they've nearly gone! My fingerprints have almost dissolved away to the point that I have very little grip because of the lack of texture on my fingertips so I struggle to open Peggy's black plastic poo bags and am grateful for my bags for life at the Coop because opening a carrier would be impossible. You can still see a few whirls on the index finger and thumb.

Bilirubin up and Fire Hazard

Start of my 6th course today. Feeling ok but Fridays blood test shows an increase in the Bilirubin enzyme in my liver. If it gets much higher it'll indicate that the chemo is causing liver damage and I'll have to stop chemo. I guess that's the end of my odd glass of sherry. Although my palms and foot soles are much better they're still peeling - to the point that I have to clear bits off the bed each morning (not sure if I should put them in the compost?) Not sure I can ever eat Parmesan shavings again.

So I got prescribed some wickedly fat cream for my hands and feet - a million times greasier than E45. The pharmacists have to talk you through your medication so she had to warn that, once loaded up, I would be a walking fire hazard because the cream's made from paraffin. I must keep away from cigarettes and chip pans!

Pollock via Ofili

Horrid accident in the bathroom yesterday - I snagged my bag on my jeans button and ...Jackson Pollock via Chris Ofili on the floor. Later, in a UEA toilet cubicle I had a vision of how the same scenario would have played away from home - and the wimpering apologies to ladies in neighbouring cubicles for any sullying of their footwear. Phew! JPegs withheld by the editor.

Blood relatives

Bridie and Sean have been visiting en route from their holiday in sunny Yarmouth. It's been lovely to see them and next time they visit for Pride I'll be off chemo and possibly bagless. I had my blood test this morning but caught my form on a cut on my finger which hasn't been healing and got blood all over it. I felt sorry for the phlebotomist because the hospital'll think she was clumsy. While I was there there was a bit of a ruck because the Supplies department is refusing to deliver the number of Urine Test Bottles they use claiming they order far more than a normal surgery. It's not a normal surgery - it's a walk in clinic with 300 patients a day. NHS reforms - pissing in the wind (because there're not enough bottles to go round).

Sunny side

Lovely to see the spring sun but I have to keep out of it as I can't deal with the UV even with factor 50 sun cream (which I can't deal with either - I always manage to rub it in my eyes!)It's great to see the seasons change - I started chemo in mid winter and I'll be finished and ready for my stoma reversal by mid summer.

Flaky

Peter suggested I needed Michael Jackson gloves for my flaky hands and Jules has delivered. Apparently the organic cotton keeps moisture in. I've been practising the moon walk but it hurts my flaky feet.

Keeping it Loose

A little light table tennis training last night and my technique has improved in inverse relation to my stamina - because my hand is sore I hold the bat incredibly loosely, barely touching it. I can return or block the spinniest serves. Coaches take note - beat your learners hands till they are raw!

Catch the Pride Live podcast of today's broadcast on Future Radio (not live this week but recorded on Monday when I had the energy to present it). http://futureradio.co.uk/files/audio/1301745600.mp3

Yuk

My sock was bunched up in my shoe and my feet are sore enough already so I took it off to straighten it and...peeled skin fell out! Gonna have to empty my gloves too but haven't got the nerve yet. Maybe good for an art installation? Not good for my self image though.