Duty surgeon draws colostomy bag on me in magic marker as it maybe only option to stop me exploding and showering the ward in poo. I am saved from emergency surgery by Mr Kapur and his colleague from radiology who are keen to clear my obstructed colon with a stent.
Down in radiology I see the tumour on screen via the tiny fibre optic. It's about 4 inches long and is coiling along my colon like a curly telephone cable. After taking a biopsy the medics stick a sleeved wire into it to straighten it up and shove a little cap down on top. It looks like one of the grunt GIs in 'Worms'.
Now the coil is out of the way my bowel can clear. On screen we all see tidal wave approaching the camera and an anxious voice asks if anyone put any mats down.
I use my commode 13 times in the night and the sweet 18 year old next to me pretends nothing odd is going on and keeps her TV headphones on.
Mr Kapur is on holiday for a couple of weeks so the plan is for me to get stronger and have an op - maybe keyhole - around mid November. The guess is that the tumour is caused by the radiotherapy I had for Cervical Cancer 15 years ago - it's right on the middle of the tattoos I've got on my pelvis that the radiotherapists used for lining up the beams.
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